Journal Entry – 23 November, 2014
It has been a disturbing night, so a Sunday nap on the sofa was certainly warranted. I doze off, despite guests visiting my ailing father, and the excitement around the house as my wife and son preparing for a mother and son dance. Delicious sleep was moments away.
Involuntarily, the internal buzzing of energy in the brain and body begins soon after. I was quite familiar with it, the vibration of esoteric, sublime energy and the immense pleasure associated with it. I welcome it and indulge.
As the buzzing intensified, it starts to overwhelm one’s consciousness. I know how far I can let it go, because at the extreme it leads to physical paralysis. This loss of control I am not game for. But to break it, one simply needs to move and the energy stops. As one dozes off once again, I know it will restart. How close can I come to jumping to the other side?
The ecstasy is great. But this encounter weaves it’s way to more unusual and unique experiences.
In my mind’s eye I see a leaf of a tree and I am so close to it, there is just the leaf and it is delightful beyond description. I move further from the leaf and take delight in the tree that hosts it. There is great laughter within as pure joy erupts. As the energy and joy continue, I am lost in it. I realize too late that I am too deep, I can’t move. I have gone too far. I try to move, it is impossible. The paralysis has taken place. The only way out is to open my eyes. With great struggle, I do. Every bit of willpower is needed. The energy breaks. Shortly, as I doze off again. The energy is back.
The intensity of the energy is very great this time. And it goes on and on. I keep a finger moving, trying to outsmart the paralysis. The vibration is in my brain. This time it brings with it different sensations than ever before. It carries great heat with it. I am just the witness I tell myself. I take on a distant view.
The heat and vibration intensify further. My whole brain is on fire. A channel of heat rushes down to the center of the chest. There the same heat and vibration, take on a circular shape and continue in the middle of my chest. I think I wake myself up, moving my arm ever so slowly from my heart.
But I wake myself up only within a vivid dream. In my dream now I have woken up. There the mix of dream and energy continue. The pleasure and energy continue. Suddenly though, the experience turns dark, as I encounter a foreboding void, I decide that is enough. I force myself to wake up for good.
Kundalini, what to make of all this? It is what it is. It does what it does.
Normal is good, don’t seek anything special. The ordinary is good. The only thing that makes one not realize the magic of the ordinary, that makes one bored of one’s ordinary life, is the desire for the other. The desire for something extra-ordinary. Normal is great. Be with what is. Weather you are experiencing Kundalini or just the normal waking state, be present to it, observe.