Experience with Divinity
There is a room at my parent’s house which is a favorite place to crash for my friends and myself when we have burned too much of the midnight oil. This room used to be the car garage, which my folks have converted to a guest bedroom, to accommodate the endless stream of guests who flow through their house during the summer months. The reason this room is so good to sleep in is because it is pitch dark regardless of whether it is day or night. Having been a garage, the room has no windows and furthermore has a heavy air tight door, so not a ray of light can seep into the room. It is here in this room, with no outside light, that my inner light exploded one fateful night.
I had returned home to participate in a puja (prayer) and since the dark room was available the night before the prayers I happily commandeered it for myself. As had been my practice since my late teen years (and still till today), I lie on my back before sleeping in order to meditate. I can’t sleep on my back and this is my blessing. I can meditate for almost as long as I like in this posture and only very rarely do I drift off to sleep. So as always I was lying there, in the silent, deep darkness, watching my thoughts, when what would be one of the most extraordinary experience I ever had began to unfold.
As I lay there watching intently, a great suffering spontaneously began to emerge deep in my being. The suffering came forth from what seemed like every cell in my body. I did not react to this experience in any way, but simply remained a witness to it. In fact, from this point on all that transpired happened on its own without any willful action on my part. The suffering grew in intensity and poured out from deep within my system. This continued till finally it came to a crescendo and a great release took place as the suffering was expelled from my body in one great push. In this release it felt as if all the suffering in me had been purged and it was like going through a great catharsis, like being reborn anew.
Immediately following this catharsis a great benediction descended on me. There is a Sanskrit word called “dhanya” which is hard to translate, but, correctly captures what took place. The closest translation I can think of would be, “To Be Blessed”, to be touched by the Hand of God. This great blessing, grace, filled my consciousness and I became aware of the presence of the actuality of Divinity.
Whoever invented that word, divine, had experienced what I describe here. It is not like describing chocolate cake, the actuality of Divinity is simply awesomely divine. There are really no adjectives that would capture the magnificence of God and that is probably one reason those that encounter Divinity simply choose to not say anything about it. It is so incredible that trying to convey the magnitude of the experience with language seems like a gross injustice. In any case, with the awareness of the actuality of Divinity, the spontaneous realization in the inherent perfection of everything took place. Everything is absolutely and completely perfect, there was and is never ever a need to do anything ever. Everything is perfectly perfect!
So here is the good new and the bad news from having met God. Bad news first…
Bad News After Meeting God:
The realization that everything is perfect and no effort is needed also brought the realization that every effort, every thought, is a sin. Every effort (desire) makes us blind to the perfection of what is and every willful thought is stained by desire, making it is a sin. Every single thought stained by desire is an indication to God that his creation is incomplete and imperfect. For this absolute perfection to be encountered, every effort has to cease spontaneously. These were not intellectual conclusions I was arriving at, these were simply realizations resulting from being in the presence of blissful Divinity and Truth.
Good News After Meeting God:
The good news is that thankfully, Divinity was forgiving and forgiving and forgiving and I was crying and crying and crying. I have never cried so much and never felt so much bliss, compassion and love being poured onto me. The act of forgiving would not end, the bliss would not end, absolute awe of Divinity would not end and the tears which were just flowing like a river would not end. All was being automatically forgiven.
Conclusion After Meeting God:
I don’t know how long this went on, but, I noticed during this time there was hardly any mind at all. The mind was pushed far away, it had receded somewhere into the far backgrounds of consciousness from where… eventually… the damn thing started to return :-). The problem with mind is that you cannot fight it and win. Fighting with the mind is just more mind. Telling yourself to not have any more desires, is just another desire, another sin. Telling yourself to not make an effort, is indeed more effort, more delusion, more blindness. That is why the trap of Maya (illusion) and “mind projected reality” is so absolute. It is a fantastically designed trap and you shall not escape it easily. The only way to deal with this situation is to laugh about it, else, you will end up psychotic or suicidal. Embrace a sense of humor, it will be invaluable to you to deal with the great cosmic joke that all your suffering is caused by own effort to find happiness.
Finding God, Divinity, Truth is the only real purpose of life. Divinity is infinite love and infinite bliss. If there was one great lesson to learn from this experience, I would say that given he can forgive your billion sins even before you commit them, can’t you forgive others for their few transgressions against you? Forgive, forgive, forgive, let your divine nature start to shine through.