How to Transcend Loneliness

Welcome to a new article by our regular contributor, Dr. Bina Nangia. Dr. Nangia is a long-time spiritual seeker who works with children.

When was the last time you were “alone”?

Do you always feel the need to be surrounded by people and events?

What does “to be alone” mean?

We as people, always relate to everything and everyone to complete ourselves. There is a tremendous feeling of incompleteness, a void which constantly needs to be full, complete. It is like a depression in the middle of the sea, which is always trying to fill itself from the surrounding waters.

Our idea of completeness is not to feel lonely, so we are constantly seeking things, beings and experiences to make us feel whole. There is fear to be on our own to face ourselves.

The negative emotions which we carry within our minds scare us when looked at them in the face. So in order to avoid this direct interaction with ourselves we would fill our loneliness and avoid being alone.

Yet it is a great opportunity to be alone and face our minds, because as soon as we can do this the mind expands, we can learn to go beyond mind and challenge our beliefs, conditionings.

When we can overcome the fears of facing ourselves, the need to complete the incompleteness disappears and in its place there is expansion. This limitlessness is what we have been always looking for. The mind is the barrier and it can be transcended. However some things sound easier said than done. This requires immense practise, dispassion and letting go.

Once this “zone” of facing ourselves is reached, it becomes our second nature to enjoy being alone.

Loneliness is the restricted mind, while aloneness is the transcended mind.

Conversations with the mind help it to face itself without judgement or criticism. Watching its various perceptions we learn how to distance ourselves from identification with good or bad. The alone time is a useful practise. 

Loneliness is often due to our attachments and involvements with other beings and situations. When these attachments fail to get us the expected results, the mind is confused, restless and feels incomplete. We tend look around for other beings, objects and events to fill this void.

Being an actor, playing various roles with a sense of detachment and witnessing the play of our minds is to be alone.

When the fear of facing ourselves disappears, we look forward to our alone time.

Just like our body muscles need to be constantly worked on, to get its optimum working capacity, so also our mind needs to be worked on to make it our friend.

In the hustle and bustle of everyday life and its dramas, alone time must be kept aside to reconnect, rediscover our true full nature.

The more we practise being alone, loneliness becomes a thing of the past and life is more meaningful, peaceful and happy.

So give yourself permission to be alone and transcend loneliness.

 About Dr. Bina Nangia

Dr. Nangia currently works with special kids. This is her calling and she has been working in this field for 20 years.

A grandmother of two boys, Dr. Nangia has been practising yoga since her younger days. Her keen interest in spirituality over many years has got her in touch with many masters. They have contributed to her growth tremendously. She shares her thoughts in magazines and newspaper articles.

Dr. Nangia is the author of Dyslexia Decoded, a handbook for special educators, which was recently published by Penguin and Hayhouse.

She shares her experiences about special education on various social networking sites, and is a trained therapist and family networker.

Dr. Nangia lives in Delhi, India.