Relationships are the building blocks of life and society, but often we find ourselves in unhealthy, bad and loveless relationships wondering if this is really how it was all meant to me? So how are we to bring about this change in our relationships? How are we to have relationships that are full of love, joy, trust and peace? You must start by understanding what is actually the true purpose of relationships. Without understanding that you will not be able to transform your relationships into the beautiful experience that they were meant to be. Understanding the true meaning of relationships is the key to building good relationships.
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Secret for Transforming Unhealthy Bad Relationships to Good Relationships
Namaste, my friends.
Today, we’re going to discuss a very important question that plagues so many folks. This is an area where people have a lot of problems, and one that I am consulted on perhaps more than any other, that is the question of bad, unhappy relationships. So, to understand relationships one must first understand what the true purpose of relationships is. This is a very, very important question to understand in this life. For a life is nothing more than a movement in relationships. We don’t live in isolation, so I will tell you that the onset, relationships are not there for your happiness. They’re not there as the escape from your loneliness. They are not there to give you the tax break for filing as a married couple and also the purpose of relationships is not, so you can procreate and have children and for those who understand the science of Tantra and the merging of the divine female and male, you can use relationships for that type of exploration.
But that’s not the true purpose of relationships either. So, what is the answer to this bewildering question? What is the true purpose of relationships? Let me tell you a story that will help you get to the bottom of this particular question. So, at one time there was a beautiful prince and a beautiful princess, and they got married and there was a great deal of fanfare and it was like a match made in heaven. He was handsome and valorous, kind and generous. She was beautiful and strong, she was compassionate and intelligent; and the kingdom was rejoicing. So, on their wedding night, the one behold, out of the blue, out of nowhere, the princess slaps the prince across the face. Whacks him really hard and he’s like, “Whoa, what happened here? What did I do?” And she was just as alarmed and bewildered as he was because it came out of nowhere.
She said, “I’m really sorry. I don’t know. I don’t know where this came from.” So, they put the matter to rest, said some strange occurrence took place. Let’s not let it ruin our night. And life went on. Every few months or so out of the blue, Whack! she would slap him again and there would be no understandable cause or reason for that. So, they consulted the kingdom’s wise ones. They brought in the healers, and they brought in the consultants and the ministers and everybody to try and figure out why this would happen every so often that she would whack him across the face. And, no one could tell what the reason for this strange effect was. So finally, one particular holy man said, the only person who can help you is the sage, he’s a Rishi, is in meditation all the time and he lives way up in the woods in the top of the mountain.
Go consult with him. If he can’t help you, no one can. So, finally getting nowhere with everyone else they had consulted, the prince and princess went to see the sage. After a long arduous journey, they finally came to the cave within which the sage was in meditation. And, so not to disturb him they waited there. After two days of meditation, the sage finally emerged from the cave and there he saw the prince and princess and he said, “Ah! Welcome to my humble abode. What brings you here to this remote place? How can I help you, Great Prince?” The prince and princess tell the story to the sage, of this strange occurrence that seems to occur every so often. So, the sage tells the princess, “Let me see your hands” and the princess puts her hands forth. He looks at those hands with a great deal of interest and then he smiles, and he says, “I will tell you the reason behind getting slapped every so often, but in exchange you must give me what I ask for.”
And they agreed, eager to get this mystery resolved. And, the sage explained. He said, “Prince, you are afflicted by a particular disease and she is a great healer. Every so often she has to slap you and her hands carry this great healing power. As a result of these slaps, she heals you. And, if it wasn’t for these slaps you would have long since perished.” And the prince and princess already relieved and hearing this news, which is essentially very positive. She’s a great healer and she’s been healing him, so that’s fantastic. And as an exchange the sage asks to be slapped by the princess, so the diseases he has can also be cured. So, what does this have to do with the true purpose of relationship? The true purpose of relationship is that, the inevitable discomfort and pain and upsets and irritation they cause us is the mirror in which we can see and cure the disease of attachments that exist within us.
Relationships are the perfect mirror in which one can see the activities of the ego and the suffering that relationships break from time to time. This points clearly at our attachments, that we then need to work on dissolving in order to be free, and in order to be free of the pain that inevitably life brings our way as a result of these attachments. So, in relationships when there is pain, upset, irritation, anger, that is a golden opportunity. That is an opportunity to not go on a tirade and not get up in the storm of thoughts that are taking place because your ego has been bruised in a particular way because you have not got what you wanted from that relationship. It is an opportunity to watch the ego in action. Watch the feelings that are coming up closely, whether they are anger, jealousy or envy.
Watch those feelings: as you watch them closely, they reveal their truth to you. The ego reveal how it works in this mirror of relationship, when these events are taking place, and unless we can free ourselves of these inner attachments, we can never find peace and joy! So, when two people get together for a relationship, if they are self-sufficient, if they love and adore each other, if they respect each other, the relationship has a very different tenor. It has a very different feel, life that uses that relationship as a powerful channel to express herself. But, when there are pains and conflicts in relationships, when we are depending on the other for our pleasure, when we’re depending on the other for escaping from our loneliness, and as a result, there is this attachment to the other for the pleasure that they provide us or to escape from the pains and the fear of loneliness. Then that relationship inevitably will breed pain and upset, and the true purpose of this relationship then is to point us back to our attachments, to the root cause of suffering in life.
So, in your relationships, look at it in this way. Look at them as mirrors in which you wish to see your ego in action and wish to learn about your attachments and this observation, this learning about these attachments, about these feelings, about the thoughts they create is the beginning of meditation that sets the stage for ultimate freedom, joy, love, and bliss.
Thank you everybody. God bless you all.
Observe your feelings. Whether it is anger, jealousy or envy, they reveal their truth to you. Relationships are the perfect mirror in which one can see the activities of the ego. When two people are together out of love and affection for the other, they’re happy and content. But when there are problems in the relationship the attachment exists just so that we can escape from our fear of loneliness. In such a situation, the relationship will invariably breed negative feelings and anxiety. The true purpose of relationships is to guide us back to our attachments and locate the root cause of suffering in life. Treat your relationships as a mirror and monitor your ego in action. This will mark the beginning of meditation that will set the stage for ultimate freedom, joy, love, and bliss. Understanding this true meaning of relationships is the secret to transforming unhealthy, bad relationships into good ones filled with love and joy.
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